Are you having a tough time dealing with online dating rejection? Well tune in today for discussion on what rejection is real what really isn’t real and what you can do it keep it from knocking you down! Thanks for tuning back in to 2nd Act TV, Sandy stayed with us for another segment on learning how to navigate this online digital dating world, Sandy thank you for joining us again. Happy to be here! So on the last segment we talked about the whole concept of ghosting and that there’s going to be a lot of rejection that we’re going to encounter when we venture online so let’s talk about that, when it’s rejection real and when isn’t it in this digital world?
So rejection is not real if a person doesn’t know you and I remember when I first started dating online and if a person didn’t answer my email I was devastated, I also would spend way too long writing a heartfelt email just like please you’re definitely the one you know and so person so that’s that’s a very common mistake when you first start dating online you really put so much into profile and you imagine who this person is and you don’t know them. A
Anybody can post a profile in fact a lot of them are not even real so you know just remember that a profiles not a person and you need to really get to know somebody well to get to the place of I’m rejected by that person. So if he doesn’t answer your email or he or she and if you you know if a person doesn’t call you back for second day it’s not really rejection it’s just that you weren’t the right fit and you know real rejection happens when you’ve been in a relationship.
You tried to make it work and it’s not working and so now you are rejecting the other person but not because they’re they’re bad or you know also people I mean usually sometimes they are, it’s just not a good match and so that’s something so important to remember, so how do you handle rejection after a long relationship or the feeling of rejection, so some of the first steps are if you are connected in social media to disconnect, unfriend unfollow definitely don’t stalk their profiles anywhere they have.
I mean women tend to do a lot of stalking and you don’t even realize that you you’remaking up stuff i mean i had a woman at my retreat who had gone on facebook one of the days at the retreat and seen picture of her old boyfriend with the new women that he’s with and i think they got engaged and she was like a puddle, she was a mess and now she’s dating like four men. She’s in a great place but at that time because she was still looking at his social media it brings back all those chemicals in your body and it wakes them up so that’s that that’s a good point also if it seems so immature at our age to you know i’m going to friend or unfriend you or block you or do this or that but it really ispart of our world so don’t feel childish about it you need to you need to unfriend it’s not it’s not immature it’s for your own good wouldn’t you agree well of course you agree!
Yeah I mean and even in in like when you’re dating online and somebody harasses you you have the delete button you have the block button you have to report button these are all ways to empower yourself. It’s actually a way to be a mature adult is to just say i don’t need to lock myself into a reactive conversation with somebody who’s treating me poorly, but we’re getting off on a tangent so the social media out get off social media get rid of photos any mementos and you know if you’ve got to get rid of anything that’s going to bring up those memories in your life.
Another thing that’s really helpful is to write a letter to him and don’t send it and this is my my favorite tools is write a letter thanking him for all the things that he’s done for you so maybe he woke you up to some red flags that you’ll look for next time you know. Thank you so much for helping remember that I can’t date somebody who is going to treat me like this ever again but maybe there is some other gifts that weren’t based on the negatives and and you can be grateful for those things and actually look for them in your next partner without the things that didn’t work. So writing that letter can help you get a lot of clarity about what was good and also what didn’t work so that you take back your power and don’t feel like you’re the victim but you’re the victor here.
I like that take rejection or see rejection as a gift I mean it’s a little counter intuitive but it that could work. Yeah I mean I think everything can be seen as a gift and I know and in someway it’s all about your mindset and so you know in dating your mindset is so so important. How you see everything so what’s another way to overcome rejection go to your friends. That’s a really important thing is to surround yourself with people who love you and and do fun things do pampering things this is a time where you go to the spa, where you get a massage you do your nails you get your hair done get a new outfit you know whatever it is that make you feel loved and embraced and be sure to receive the love that people give you and take you.
Take a vacation do all the things that you couldn’t do when you were part of couple you know, there’s a lot of gifts than being single so these are all ways to just kind of reclaim your self-worth so that when you get out to date again and don’t wait too long a lot of people do that they say just wait forever because they’re so afraid to get back out there.
Well you know you bring up another good point which is you know to get back out there that you know there’s others that say oh you know after a long break or after a long relationship take some time off you know, the fact is we’re older you know like we don’t have all that much time time left so it’s even more important really to understand you know to your point doing it gracefully and then learning you know to trust again because that’s that’s that’s the that’s a sad part is that you know we we bring so much baggage into or so much history maybe baggage is kind of a negative term so much history to a new relationship that you know the trust has been broken you know how do we rebuild that.